He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im six kinds of drunk right now
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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