you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
