I wish I could punch you in the face.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
