My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
