NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
