The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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