i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
