dude i'm inner monologue high
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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