Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
