i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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