just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
