That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
