Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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