Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
