so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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