I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
