I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
