Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
