why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
