I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Randomize
