Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
