I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
