fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
