community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
