I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
