Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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