i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
