I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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