Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
