How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
