Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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