I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
