I bet he comes in French.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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