No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
