I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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