Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I deserve this hangover.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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