the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
