I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
