he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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