Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
