totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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