I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
