No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We have so much sex to catch up on
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
