and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
