Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
