It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
