Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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