Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
