remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
