is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
