Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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